In the spring of 2025, I was sitting at an outdoor café with my good friend Tor Kjølberg, the man behind Daily Scandinavian, the book Sell More, and several other creative projects. A random conversation and an unexpected encounter made me reflect on what it actually means to take your place.
How to take your place and be yourself
While we were sitting at the outdoor café that day, a guy appeared. The kind of person who does not apologize for who he is. He took up space. I almost said without stepping on anyone. Because he provoked many people, and at first glance it could seem as if he was trampling straight over other people’s boundaries.
But there was something about the way he did it. That effortless confidence. He did not seem concerned with being liked, nor with provoking anyone. He simply was. Comfortable with himself in a way that meant he did not have to spend energy trying to fit in.
Full of confidence on the outside, and like all of us, probably with a fair share of insecurity on the inside. But he said things that landed. Not because the words were particularly beautiful or wise. On the contrary, some of them were quite wild. Still, people listened. Perhaps because it did not seem rehearsed. He said what he meant, without wrapping it up.
Between statements like “I do not believe in God, God believes in me” and “There is no hierarchy among true friends,” I caught a glimpse of a person who was not trying to impress anyone. He was simply expressing what he thought.
He is a musician. He has played at festivals all over the country, written songs, and put words to things many of us may not dare to say out loud. And while I sat there listening, I thought of a quote from Caroline Nitter:
“It is your life, take your place.”
Seven simple words that stayed with me, and that contain so much more than the words themselves. Perhaps because they point to something many of us recognize. How easy it is to adapt, hold back a little, and show the version of ourselves we believe fits in best.
Why first impressions are often wrong
Caroline Nitter is someone many people have strong opinions about. She is a Norwegian influencer known from reality TV and OnlyFans, and for many, that is enough for the verdict to already be in.
I have never met her, but through various TV shows I formed an image of who I thought she was. Over time, I discovered that the image I had formed was not as accurate as I thought. The way she met other people, and the way she explained her choices when criticism came.
What surprised me most was how reflective she seemed. She had opinions and stood by her choices, but at the same time seemed comfortable with the fact that not everything needs a definitive answer. She explained, responded, and took the discussions without seeming particularly concerned with convincing everyone.
It made me think about how quickly we humans draw conclusions. We see a profession, a TV appearance, or a few headlines and feel that we have understood the whole person. And this is often how we meet people in the rest of life as well.
In an episode of Bloggerne, Nitter said something else that struck me in a way that resonated: “I try to be a little understanding, and to have an understanding of other people’s journey and what they are going through. Because I think you should, even if you do not agree. And even if you do not understand it 100 percent, you can try. But … there comes a point.”
That sentence contains so much wisdom. Because yes, there are limits. But meeting people with an open mind before drawing conclusions, that is a quality we could use more of. It is the same thing I have tried to express in the reflection “When you admit mistakes, you build trust”: We do not grow from always being right, but from being open to what we have not yet understood.
Why Caroline Nitter struck a chord with me
Nitter impressed me precisely because she challenged my own prejudices. I have never met Caroline Nitter, but she reminded me how wrong I can be when I think I have understood a person too quickly.
Like many others, I like to believe I am a good judge of character. I watch quite a bit of reality TV, not just for entertainment, but to learn. I observe, take note of first impressions, and follow along. Does the gut feeling I had in the first episode still hold up at the end? Usually, yes. But not always. With Caroline Nitter, I was so thoroughly wrong that I had to watch several shows she appeared in, just to learn more.
The reason I highlight her specifically is how she comes across. From what I have seen, she seems both reflective, knowledgeable, and comfortable with herself in a way that made an impression. She shows a degree of self-irony and self-awareness that I think many of us could benefit from having a little more of.
She seems to share a lot of herself. But seen in light of myself, as someone who is also often perceived that way, I suspect there is at least as much that is not shared. Because it is easy to believe that someone who shares a lot shares everything. But some of the deepest layers are often well protected behind that very openness.
Whether this has anything to do with Caroline Nitter, I have no basis for knowing. But she made me think of a psychological phenomenon sometimes referred to as protective openness, a strategy where you share a lot of yourself, but not necessarily what hurts the most.
When it comes to Nitter, it may well be that everything is actually out in the open. But when I recognized myself in the thought, I realized something about myself. I have probably used my openness as a kind of armor. I share a lot, write personally, and am quite open about both thoughts and experiences. Still, there are parts of my life that few people know about. It became a reminder of how easy it is to believe we know a person, whether it is someone who shares little or someone who shares a lot.
The psychology behind being yourself
In a time where most of what we see is filtered, literally, being yourself has become a kind of act of resistance. The psychologist Carl Rogers called it congruence: alignment between what we feel and what we show. When you dare to be yourself, without editing away your edges, you come closer to both yourself and others.
But it comes at a cost in a society where being “right” often outweighs being true. That is why it takes courage to show your whole self, including the imperfect parts. And precisely for that reason, it stays with us when someone does it. It triggers something in us, because it is rare and reminds us of something we may miss in ourselves.
Still, it is easy to judge quickly and form opinions based on one TV scene, a headline, or a comment in a forum, perhaps because it gives us a sense of control, or because it is easier to laugh at someone than to see ourselves in them.
Also read the article about why honesty lasts the longest.
Influencers: Superficial or strategically smart?
I have watched a lot of reality TV. Not because I love the drama, but because there is something human there. Something real, in the middle of all the staging. I observe, analyze, and pick up recurring mechanisms: how people react, what creates engagement, and why some people manage to capture our attention. I try to bring that insight with me both when I write and when I work with communication, branding, and strategy.
After all, there is a reason they are called influencers. They influence because they have understood something many companies wish they mastered: how to create attention, build relationships, and make people care. It is not luck. It is skill.
We often laugh at them, shake our heads, and call them attention-seeking or superficial. But what if what we criticize is actually the same thing we secretly admire? The ability to be visible, real, and unfiltered. What if what they are doing is living out sides of themselves that the rest of us have packed away?
Many influencers run their own companies. They build brands, negotiate deals, create content, and generate income where there used to be only an Instagram profile. That requires more than a ringtone filter and a selfie. It requires insight, timing, business sense, and courage. Many of them earn millions, and they probably do not do that because they are stupid.
Most of us would pack up and go home after one round in the comment section. They stay standing. Perhaps that is exactly what makes them influencers. Not what they sell or publish, but the fact that they dare to be visible in a world where many of us would rather hide a little.
Also read the article about how influencer marketing works.
How to be yourself when meeting others
What about you? When did you last take your place? What is holding you back from saying what you actually mean, or from being more of yourself when meeting others?
It is easy to adapt. We humans are herd animals, and most of us want to be liked. That is why we often hold back a little too. We adjust ourselves to our surroundings, pay attention to how we come across, and think twice before saying what we actually mean.
At the same time, it is rarely the most cautious voices that remain in the history books.
Henrik Ibsen was one of those who took his place. Not because everyone liked what he wrote, but because he challenged established truths and asked questions many would rather not have to face. He made people think, discuss, and feel provoked, and he still does to this day.
If Ibsen had been alive today, I am not sure he would have chosen the theater as his arena. Perhaps he would have used TikTok, Instagram, or a blog. The platform itself is not really the most important thing. What is interesting is that he understood something that still applies: If you want to influence people, you must dare to stand for something.
In Ibsen’s time, the stage was the platform. Today, there are many more. The common denominator is still the same. Whether you stand on a theater stage, write a blog, or post a video online, you must be willing to show who you are and what you believe.
“What you are, be fully and wholly, not in pieces and parts.”
“The Little Word” (1875)
So a little to me and a little to you: Take Your Place.
