I once had an employer who spoke warmly about their employees.
They were “valuable assets,” “essential to the company’s success,” and “part of the family.” That was, of course, until the day they no longer worked there.
Suddenly, the same people were described in ways you could never have imagined. Those who yesterday were “committed and passionate” became, overnight, “difficult,” “disloyal,” or “a challenge.”
I’ve seen this happen more than once, and I’ve heard similar stories from others. It’s clearly a common phenomenon: the moment you walk out the door, so does the recognition.
I even experienced a leader who replaced entire systems and routines that a former employee had built – almost as if to erase all traces of their work. As though what they had contributed lost its value the moment they left. That says a lot about the need some people have to protect their own narrative.
And perhaps that’s where the line between self-protection and self-glorification starts to blur – a topic I won’t dive into here, but one worth keeping in mind. Because these patterns say a great deal about the dynamics that arise when someone decides to leave – and they align closely with what research shows about how leaders deal with departures.
Why Some Leaders Speak Poorly About Former Employees
Research in organizational psychology suggests that certain leaders tend to “devalue” former employees — not always consciously, but as a psychological defense mechanism.
When someone resigns, it can feel like a loss or even a threat, and it becomes easier to justify the situation by focusing on that person’s flaws in hindsight.
What the research shows:
- Self-protection: Studies on destructive leadership indicate that some leaders respond to perceived disloyalty by undermining or discrediting former employees.
- Cognitive dissonance: People need to reduce discomfort when reality conflicts with their previous narrative — for instance, when someone they once praised highly decides to leave.
- Culture and trust: Workplace studies show that how an organization speaks about former employees directly affects trust, morale, and psychological safety among those who remain.
Sources:
Annual Review of Organizational Psychology (2024): “Leader–Member Dynamics in Employee Transitions”
Frontiers in Psychology (2025): “The Bidirectional Relationship Between Destructive Leadership and Organizational Commitment”
William James College (2024): “Workplace Culture and The Great Resignation”
When Fear Moves In
What’s most interesting is how this behavior impacts those who stay.
When you watch colleagues who were once praised suddenly being talked down, a thought quietly creeps in:
What will they say about me the day I leave?
That’s where offboarding truly begins — the very day you start the job.
Because the way people are spoken about afterward shapes how everyone else relates to leadership, to safety, and to loyalty.
It becomes a silent contract between employer and employee:
“We’re on the same team — but only as long as I’m useful to you.”
Trust Without an Expiry Date
Trust isn’t something you’re given; it’s something you build — over time, through honesty and consistent action.
Once it’s broken, there’s not much left to work with, whether in a job or in a relationship.
For me, loyalty is just as much about what happens afterward — showing respect, protecting people’s privacy, and maintaining discretion. I often draw from my own experiences when writing, but I’m always conscious of balancing openness with respect for others.
A healthy workplace culture isn’t defined by how long people stay, but by how they’re treated when they leave.
Because loyalty should never come with an expiry date.
Also read my article about: Onboarding and Offboarding
Where to Find Honest Reviews of Employers
There are several platforms where current and former employees share honest experiences about their workplaces — both locally and globally:
- Glassdoor – a global platform for anonymous reviews of employers, salaries, and workplace culture.
- Indeed – job portal that also offers company reviews and ratings from employees.
- Jobbi – a Norwegian site where employees can anonymously review local companies and share workplace experiences.
Opinions about such sites are divided. Some believe they fuel unnecessary negativity, while others value the openness they bring. Personally, I see them as a kind of résumé — but for employers.
If you’ve treated people well, there’s rarely anything to worry about. Sure, there will always be a few who complain no matter what, but most readers can tell the difference. Out of ten reviews, it’s usually clear who’s being honest — and who’s just bitter. So, really… what’s the problem?
