We like to believe that we make rational choices and decide for ourselves what we allow to influence us. Our surroundings shape us far more than we like to admit, even as adults. I recently ended up in a discussion about exactly this. When I was voted down, I did what I often do when I do not get the chance to speak: I wrote an article about it instead.
Updated May 28, 2026
How the Brain Influences Our Choices Without Us Noticing
Our brain is not as rational as we like to think. It takes shortcuts, jumps to conclusions, and allows itself to be influenced without us noticing. A glance, a word, a smell, or a color can change how we feel, what choices we make, and how we interpret situations.
Take buying a car as an example. Many people have already made up their mind at the first dealer they visit, while the rest of the visits mostly become about confirming the choice they have already made.
The same thing happens when choosing wine at a restaurant. Many people order the second cheapest bottle, not necessarily because it tastes best, but because they want to avoid appearing cheap without spending too much money.
In grocery stores, we often believe that price and selection determine where we shop, while habits and convenience matter far more in practice. We return to the same store again and again and explain it by saying, “they have everything we need.”
In job interviews, first impressions are often formed within the first few minutes. The rest of the conversation is then used to confirm the gut feeling, even if the interviewer believes the evaluation is objective.
The brain often makes the decision first and finds the arguments afterward. What we experience as thoughtful decisions is often more about justifying impulses we have already followed.
Small Psychological Influences That Shape Us Every Day
- The Priming Effect
Simply reading words associated with old age can make us move more slowly afterward without us noticing it.
- The Halo Effect
We often assign attractive people qualities such as intelligence, trustworthiness, and competence without any real basis for it.
- Smiles and Teeth
People who smile and show their teeth are often perceived as more attractive, open, and friendly. Studies also show that broad smiles are often associated with higher attractiveness.
- Colors
Colors influence mood, creativity, productivity, and how long we stay in a room.
- Music
Stores use music strategically to influence tempo and shopping behavior. Fast music often makes us shop faster, while slow music can make us stay longer.
- Smell
The smell of coffee or freshly baked bread can make us more willing to buy, even when we are not consciously aware of it.
How Crises and Society Shape Human Behavior
Both small and large psychological mechanisms in everyday life shape us, both as individuals and as entire societies.
I often think about a conversation I had with a friend in Drama, Greece, back in 2016. He told me that the financial crisis, strangely enough, had been one of the best things that had happened to them. Before the crisis, many people lived much like we do in Norway today: many lived alone, contact with neighbors was limited, and daily life focused heavily on status, cars, interior design, and large TV screens.
When the economy collapsed, many had to sell their homes and move back in with their parents. They got rid of the unnecessary and held on to what truly mattered. In the middle of all the hardship, many rediscovered something they had lost along the way, the Greek culture of extended families gathered around the dinner table, closeness, community, and sharing both joy and worries.
I believe we had more of this in Norway as well. Multiple generations met more often, neighbors dropped by unannounced, and community mattered more than status. Our surroundings shape not only individuals, but societies as a whole.
It reminds me a little of the art of caring a little less, not in an indifferent way, but in a healthy and liberating way. I have written more about that here: How to Learn to Care Less.
How Work Environments and Colleagues Affect Us Psychologically
We probably notice most clearly how much our surroundings influence us at work. Moods, attitudes, and energy spread quickly. One person in a bad mood can bring down the entire room, while a smile, a funny comment, or a kind gesture can lift the atmosphere for several people.
Stress and joy are contagious. We pick up body language, tone of voice, and small signals from the people around us and adjust ourselves without even thinking about it. That is why workplace culture is just as much about how we treat each other every day as it is about systems, rules, and routines.
One negative comment can affect the rest of the day, while a few encouraging words can provide new energy. Once we understand how easily we are influenced by others, it becomes easier to understand how much we influence the people around us.
A lot of this is about observation, noticing the small things that influence the atmosphere around us. I have written more about the power of observation here. Observation – The Key to Learning, Empathy, and Innovation.
Why We Never Have Full Control Over Our Own Choices
Of course, we can shield ourselves from some influence. We can choose who we spend time with, what we read, how much time we spend on social media, and what kind of content we allow into our daily lives.
Still, we often overestimate how conscious our choices really are. The moment we believe we are making a rational decision, we are already influenced by our experiences, the culture around us, our habits, and thousands of small signals we have picked up along the way.
A lot happens without us noticing it. Childhood, environment, previous experiences, news, advertising, friends, workplaces, and the society around us shape how we interpret the world. Even what we consider our “own taste” or “personal opinions” is often built layer upon layer through years of influence.
We rarely start with a blank slate. The brain uses our experiences as shortcuts to save time and energy, which is why many decisions feel natural and right long before we have properly analyzed them.
The more we understand this, the easier it becomes to recognize what, and who, shapes us.
Read more about the iceberg metaphor in TCO here.
How Environment and Culture Shape Our Personality
I have personally experienced how much surroundings affect me. Every time I spend a month or two in Greece, I notice that I become calmer and more present. Life becomes more about people, good conversations, food around the table, and being in the moment.
I have always tried to bring those values back home to Norway. Still, it often feels like being a branch held down, the moment I return and let go, I snap back into the Norwegian daily rhythm again.
Even though I have never been particularly focused on status or material things, I notice how easily the pace, expectations, and culture around us pull us in a direction without us realizing it.
How You Can Use Your Surroundings to Influence Your Life Positively
I do not see this as a weakness. More as a reminder that we as humans are always in motion. We are constantly being shaped, whether we want to or not.
It can be frustrating to realize how little control we actually have. But once we accept that we are influenced by our surroundings, it becomes easier to make more conscious choices about which people, environments, and impulses we allow into our lives.
We can seek out people and environments that inspire and energize us instead of dragging us down. Small things in everyday life, who we spend time with, what we watch, what we read, and how we live, shape us far more than we like to think.
As we grow older, we become better at choosing what we want to be influenced by, even if we can never completely escape influence itself.
And to those who still believe they are fully in control of their own mind: your brain takes shortcuts, gets fooled, and is constantly influenced without you noticing it. The sooner we acknowledge that, the easier it becomes to understand both ourselves and the people around us.
What about you? Where do you notice your surroundings shaping you the most? At home, at work, or when you travel?
