Have you ever done something extra for someone, only to be met with a genuine, warm smile? Not a polite smile, but one that lights up the whole person and tells you that you truly made a difference?
When I became a paragliding instructor, I spent hundreds of hours teaching others to fly. Not for money, not for status, but because seeing someone master something new was a reward in itself. And that reward came in the form of pure joy, a grateful look, and that smile. The smile that told me what I taught them had value. It made me grow. It gave me a sense of meaning.
But how often do we actually give praise to others? And more importantly – how often do we give meaningful praise?
We’re quick to complain – but what about compliments?
When we experience poor service or unfair treatment, we don’t hesitate to speak up. We leave negative reviews, call customer service, or vent to others. But when something goes right, what do we do? – Often, we stay silent.
I once told a store owner about how I had praised an employee at a nearby café for providing exceptional service – even better than when they were three people working. She lit up when I described how smoothly everything ran with her alone. While my point was that we’re often not good enough at giving praise, her response surprised me: She said she actually received compliments quite often. It wasn’t unusual at all.
That made me wonder: Is praise really as rare as I think, or is it just that we don’t see it? Complaints are loud and public, while praise is often given quietly – in a brief conversation, a smile, or a soft “Thank you, you did a fantastic job.”
Or maybe… she was a little jealous? Maybe she needed to remind me how good she was too – and in doing so, made me wonder: How often do we give praise in a way that truly lands?
The café employee didn’t light up just because I said something nice – but because I was specific. I didn’t just say “You’re good at what you do,” but “You handled the customers more efficiently alone than when there are three of you.”
That’s a big difference. Because praise that isn’t specific often just vanishes into thin air. “You’re good” is nice to hear, but without context, it doesn’t tell you what was actually done well. No learning, no direction – and often no lasting effect. But when praise is specific, it becomes something we can absorb and grow from.
So maybe the issue isn’t how often we give praise, but how we give it.
The store owner mentioned how many people had complimented her on having a great store – but said nothing about praise directed at her staff. Maybe that’s where the difference lies. It reminded me of something we learned when I got certified on Microsoft servers: In IT, the best feedback is often… no feedback. Because people rarely say anything when things just work – and maybe it’s the same in retail?
How many times have you complimented an employee after a transaction? Or have you, like most people, just walked out the door thinking: “That was a good experience,” without saying it out loud?
The Psychology of Praise – Why It Matters So Much
Praise isn’t just about compliments – it’s about being seen.
When someone gives us genuine praise, based on a specific action, the reward center in our brain lights up. Dopamine is released, we feel appreciated, and we want to do more of what was praised.
But something interesting also happens to the one giving the praise: Our brain rewards us with the same good feelings. It gives us a sense of connection, purpose, and even boosts our self-esteem.
So praise isn’t just a gift to the one receiving it – it’s also a gift to the one giving it.
Meaningful Praise – What Works Best?
This brings us to the heart of the issue: General praise rarely hits the mark.
“You’re great,” or “Good job,” is nice to hear, but if it’s not tied to something specific, it often just slides right off.
I’ve received a lot of praise over the years, but rarely connected to a concrete action. So I’ve often had trouble taking it in. It’s like getting applause from a crowd that didn’t even see what you did – it feels more like flattery than real recognition.
But when someone says:
- “I liked how you explained that in a simple way – it really helped me.”
- “The way you handled that difficult customer was impressive.”
- That hits differently. – Because then we know what we did right, and how we can do it again.
When your dog does something good, you praise them immediately – so they understand what they did right and want to do it again. But how well does it work if you show up days later and say: “Nice job on that trick you did the other day”? Doesn’t really hit the same, does it?
Praise must be specific – or, like with dogs, come in the moment. Otherwise, it loses its effect. For dogs. And for people.
Praise is Free – But Its Value is Huge
It takes seconds to give praise, but the effect can last for years.
Maybe you still remember a teacher, a boss, or a friend who said something that made you believe in yourself a little more.
Think about how much a single sentence can mean to someone. A knowing nod. A “Thanks, that really made a difference.”
So here’s the challenge: Next time you experience something good – say it out loud.
- Tell the barista the coffee was perfect.
- Tell your colleague they did a great job in the meeting.
- Tell a friend you appreciate them – and why.
It costs you nothing to say it. But it might change someone’s day.
And if not for them, do it for yourself.
Because that smile you get in return is worth more than you think.
